Building Team Trust Starts with Self-Trust

It’s well-known that healthy company cultures have a strong foundation of trust. Study any framework, read any culture book, and you’ll notice that trust is a key ingredient that cannot be forgotten. But where does trust start? 

I believe it begins with self-trust. The inner knowing and confidence of one’s own truth, values and choices. A firm grasp on the integrity of yourself. A deep conviction in your ability to handle whatever life throws at you.  

I’ve come to this realisation through my work with leaders and founders. All with the pure intention of wanting to build trust in their teams. To be able to let go of control, and unleash their team to do what they do best. What I noticed, wasn’t always that they lacked trust in their teams, it was that the essence of trust was low within themselves. Here’s how I’ve witnessed it manifesting; 

Doubting the vision they have of their organisation. 

(“Is this too big?, will people get it?, will people think I’m crazy?” . . .)

Doubting the nudges of intuition. 

(“I have this feeling and sense that I want to do xyz but my mind keeps telling me .  . .” )

Not saying what they really want to. 

(“I want to say xyz but then I stop myself .  . .” )

Over reliance on processes and frameworks. 

(“I was told about this process by X and I think it’s what I should do” ) 

We cannot lead with trust, if we don’t even trust the being we’re closest too, ourselves. 

Trust begins with self, and ripples out. Like all feelings, we cannot spread something that we don’t already have. Otherwise it’s all just pretend. A false pretence of something we’d like to have, but cannot experience because we don’t know how it feels. 

I want to define self-trust because without some articulation of what it is, and what it feels like, we can’t gauge where we are on the dial. Let’s call this a self diagnosis.   

Self-trust is the confidence in yourself to act, and make choices that are aligned to your own beliefs and values. It is the capacity to identify and meet your needs. An inner knowing that no matter the challenge you’ll find a way through. 

It’s not that you know all the answers, or that you always do the right thing. Self-trust is not Mr/Mrs Perfect. It’s that warm companion, who says, “hey, with everything we know right now, I feel like we can do this, let’s give it a try and see what happens.”  

People with high self-trust tend to; 

• Find they have clarity and confidence in their choices 
• Have healthy dependency on others  
• Speak with personal authority that comes from a place of knowing oneself 
• Learn from experiences, both the good and the bad 
• Have a higher threshold with uncertainty 
• Know and honour their boundaries 

People with low self-trust tend to; 

• Doubt their choices, or leave decisions for a long period of time 
• Worry about their actions 
• Struggle to set and enforce boundaries 
• Avoid risks and challenges 
• Seek constant reassurance 

I also want to make my claim here that I am by no means the perfect embodiment of self-trust. I can tell you wholeheartedly that it is a practice that I am challenged by regularly, because I too am a human being with doubts, fears and struggles, that ask me to lean in and dig deep. In case I haven’t made it clear, self-trust – is really uncomfortable, which is why we can have a tendency to lean out of it, rather than lean in.

We’ve seen our fair share of change over recent years, and with such vast amounts of uncertainty, it brings with it the ultimate test of our self-trust. Because when things get uncertain, our tendency is to overly control.

We believe that if we grip onto things a little more tightly it won’t crumble. That if we plan, organise and manage everything and everyone around us it will all work out. That if we find the perfect solution the problem will simply disappear. But control is an illusion, and we know deep down, that controlling things won’t change it, it just makes us feel better in the short term. 

The uncomfortable truth is that in these times we have to shift into self-trust. To trust that we have the inner strength and resources to navigate the ride of life. Yes, at first this makes us feel out of control and unsafe. But we also know deep down that we’re going to be ok. 

We cannot also deny that our obsession with certainty and control has chipped away at our self-trust. From our education system pushing that there’s always “right answers”, to the business arena where control and logic sit as tools of success. There is so much pressure to get it all right, that we’ve leaned away from ourselves and put our trust in things that feel more certain. It makes us less vulnerable if we can blame it on a process, or a system. Because god forbid if we make a mistake ourselves and have to learn from it. 

When I reflect on self-trust and ponder on what I’ve experienced in my own life and work, I feel that it’s a journey which has become all the more important in the world we live in today. 

Self-trust is a struggle when we are so easily influenced by the noise that surrounds us. Getting to know our own preferences, values and beliefs, has become somewhat of a trial, as we are overwhelmed with choices, information, and now technology that can do it all for us. We don’t have to think for ourselves, therefore we don’t need to trust in our own choices. 

Strengthening self-trust is the hidden work we need to undertake if we are to keep ourselves human.  

To help build the self-trust muscle, I’ve listed below some practices that you can play with. I encourage you to take even one small task and see how it makes you feel. Become curious about your own self-trust, and what these practices stimulate within you. 

A small act of discomfort 

What small thing are you putting off or hesitating about that you could try today?

Take one small act a week and build up.  

Listen to your nudges and follow them

When you notice your intuition “gut instinct” telling you something. Follow it. 

If you feel like you can’t hear your intuition, you may want to sit in meditation and ask yourself a question about something that’s important to you. Holding one hand over your heart and one hand over your stomach. Listen to what you body is telling you. 

Before you ask

Before asking another person about what you should do. Ask yourself first. “What do I think or feel? And why?” – This helps build your capacity for trusting your own inner knowledge and experience. 

Self-trust is a life long practice. There will be times where it is stronger, and others times where things will be so unknown you feel it waver. Be compassionate with yourself on your personal-growth journey.  

My starting exploration for this piece was my belief that I don’t feel you can fully build trust in teams without it starting with yourself. And I stand by that. You may feel that you can trust your team, even when your self-trust is low. You might even find that you lean on them more than your own thinking. But like all emotions, to feel it deeply and most richly, it must begin as an inside job. 

When we don’t trust ourselves, the trust we extend to others is often fragile. It can be coloured by doubt, dependence, or fear of being let down. Just like love, we can offer it outwardly without cultivating it inwardly — but it’s often tangled with insecurity or a need for reassurance. When we build self-trust, we strengthen the foundation from which trust in others grows. We no longer lean on them to fill gaps in our own confidence; instead, we meet them as equals. This allows us to offer a deeper, steadier trust — one that isn’t about control or dependency, but about genuine belief in their capability.

So don’t be surprised, that when you come to build trust in your teams or organisation, you may need to take a look in the mirror first.